An Average Conversation with God

Neale Donald Walsch enlightened us with transcripts of his conversation with God. Conversation he held while still on earth. Then came Andy Weir with his version of face to face interaction with the all Mighty, all Powerful Guy( If you haven't read the Andy Weir's version you probably should click here)

But those were special people, I can't be sure but I have a feeling when an average person bite the big one, get his head crushed under a bus or something and reach the pearly gates, his conversation would be quite different....

G--The All powerful Dude.
Me-An Average Guy.

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G:'Hey There! It's You! What's up, my child? Sorry I had to crush your head under a bus and all but.. tell me how much fun did you had down there? Awesome life, huh?'

Me: No. Not really, God.  I was just about  to have a great time when you called me up.

G:What do you mean you were about to? You were freaking forty seven years old; what did you do down there for forty seven years?

Me: Well you know God, Its like this.. From the day that I was born and first opened my eyes, those two people you send me to, already had a plan for me. The bigger one whispered that he wanted me to grow up to be a doctor, and fulfill his dream. The more delicate one said that she just wanted me to be happy--as long as it was good grades, a steady job, a beautiful wife and a couple of kids that made me happy.

I really didn't understand what they were saying so early on, but they did a good job of bribing me with toys and candy in order to make me learn things they thought was important for me. They brought me toys that taught me how to fit square blocks into square holes. They brought me LEGO toys to teach me how to create things. They gave me lollipops if I didn't spoiled the diaper and used the toilet instead, or took them away if I hit my brother.

They read me fables about naughty animal that always eventually got taught a lesson, stories about brothers sticking together to fight armies of enemies and fairy tales where prince and princess always lived happily ever after. When I was 3 they put me in a school. I surely wouldn't have chosen to go there by myself, but it's not a child's prerogative to decide much of anything.

'We carried on this way for a while. Some candy or a rupee pressed onto my palm would stop my crying or make me clean the house. If they say that I had to take swimming lessons in return of half an hour more of television, I would say "Okay". If they said that if I got higher grades, they would take me to the fair, I would say "Okay". Was the dishes in return for halwaa?"Sure".
'By the time I gained consciousness of who I was, I was almost fourteen. From fourteen to Sixteen, I was a slave to the experiments of my own body.

G:"That's Charming".

Me: 'Yeah, so, during that time, I was undergoing "adolescent development"- the mental transition from childhood to adulthood". I started to hear my own voice in my mind and started desiring thing without the promise of candy or make my parents happy. But as I started to venture after these things-friendships with strange characters, longer cricket matches, shorter homework sessions-my father would wag his finger and tell me that if my grades continued to drop I would never amount to anything. My mother did this whole melodrama of crying out loud "I carried him in my womb, I devoted my whole life to him, fed him, made him strong and this is how he repays me? What I have done to deserve this?"
                    'It was hard to believe that this life was meant for me. I was a creation of these two people, who got together and made me, and then owned me. I was burdened with the debt of repayment for the gift of life they had given me. I owed it to them, I was expected to be exactly who they wanted me to be.'

G:' Ah Yes! Expectations. Leave it to you human to twist a simple survival skill into such a useless complication. You were only suppose to ponder over what was around the hill or from which tree the tiger might jump from to come and eat you. You 've turned predictive skills into never climaxing mental cycle.

Me: It's what life is all about these days. That became clear during my adolescence. I was "expected" to act decently. Be well groomed. Well Behaved. Not only expected to go to school everyday, even though all I wanted to do was to play cricket, but expected to excel! "Why should I? Well because that's just what good kids do."
     Till I was 22,I put all my energy into fulfilling their expectations. God forbid my parent's name should get spoiled if I didn't graduate with flying colours. No one cared that I personally didn't give a flying monkey about the things they were teaching me. No one bothered to ask me if I had already identified my best, most promising skills and in what direction my heart was calling me.
     I barely graduated out of college, went to my father and said "papa I want to start my own venture". In Shock he asked "What if it didn't turned went well? What then?" You won't  amount  to anything". So more for his mental peace I joined a job.

G:'Aw that really sucks, my child. You had a dream, and you didn't get to live it. That must be hard.

Me: Oh? wait, though. its get better.
I worked my ass off to complete my projects, understand client's business domain, learn about it, study it and then excel at it. I have to admit that I did pretty well. I got the hang of it quickly. In no time, I established myself as important member of the organization and started making profit for my company. As soon as the bank balance started to rise, my parents said I should get married.
"What the hell you are talking about?" I said, stunned. I've just started earning money and having fun with it. Why would I get married now?"

In the Wild West-UK, Europe, America-parents say, " You're 16 now, get the hell out of my house. And the kids, say "What the hell? Why did you brought me into this world if you are going to kick me out? But then they also go away to college and don't care anymore. But in traditional Indian culture, the pressure is phenomenal. You must get married, you must get married, you must get married. So, one day, to stop the ceaseless discussions at the dinner table, you shout: " GODDAMMIT (Sorry yaar)! Okay Okay, Hell with it!. I'll get married!"

 G:'My darling son. My poor child. Forced to do so many things you didn't want to do , it's all so sad. But, by this point in your life, you're educated, working and married; your parents must be fully happy, and you must have started enjoying yourself, right?

Me:'Ha ! that proves you weren't paying attention! I knew there was no way that you could pay attention to each one of us, all the time...omnipresent, my ass...'

G:Watch it...

Me: 'Sure, Sure. Anyways, before the honeymoon is over-no joke, not even eight months into the marriage-the next expectation made itself clear. Mom said, "Uh, beta, are you both getting along?"
"Of course, Why?" No, Nothing. But...really, you're getting along?" "Yes Ma. Everything is fine".
"then, beta...Why is she not pregnant?" Oh, bloody hell, are you serious?

'So, I say, "Shit, Ma, I don't know! Because I don't think we want a child yet." "No beta, but that's totally wrong. Calculate it-if you have a child at 27, then when you're 40 your child will be thirteen and you'll be strong enough to carry him on your shoulders. If you wait too long, you won't be able to run with him, play with him.." All the logic and experience came flying at me, and I'm like "Duuude Stop."
'But... I gave in, and had a kid.'
It's a pretty typical story from that point. The first three years are totally given over to the kid-providing his basic needs, giving him loads of love and attention, taking care of him when he falls ill, like kids do, often. Then come the development years, where everything you show them and teach them makes a huge impact and you have to give due diligence to everything you say to them and do with them. As they get a bit older, and start to go outside and play with their friends for hours at a time, you finally get a chance to reassess where you are in your life.

  At this point I realized how old I have gotten, so quickly. The hairline receding, the stomach was protruding. I was forty and had not done a lot of things that I meant to do. I picked my pen and made my bucket list: a bicycle trip from Srinagar to Chennai, sail around Greek isles, Throw myself out of plane, etc. My family saw me hunched over the table making my list. I started to talk about doing the things on my list, for real. I started, researching the right all-terrain bicycle, the best cruises available, where the closet airstrip was for skydiving?

'What does my family does? They intervened. Said I was having mid-life crisis. Started whispering to the neighbors about my breakdown. They do that.. They scare the shit out of you. Tell you you're losing it. Tell you that following your heart is stupid. Naïve. "You should be rational. You know better than this. You have responsibilities. Liabilities. People are looking up to you. You have a child, a wife. You have a name in the society. No. No. No. You must not do all these things that your heart wants. YOU. CANNOT. JUMP. OUT. OF. THE. PLANE."

"Fine. Hell with it. I won't. For now." I told myself that I'd do it their way for now, but only little longer. "Once I get to forty five, woo-hoo, better watch out, world. I'm going to do whatever the hell I'll want!. And no one is going to stop me.

G:'Finally! It's about time!"

Me:" Yeah well. Not so fast big guy. As soon as you hit forty five, Life starts to collect its toll. Diabetes, Blood pressure, heart problems, arthritis, nerve attack, some shit or the other hits you. It's even not necessary because of your age, but more because you have not lived your life up until now. You haven't flown. Your juices, your breath, your blood has not flown like it should through your body. You have been under so much stress because for so long you have been someone you are not. I guess after forty five years of pretending to be someone else, you deserve to fall ill. It's only logical. In my opinion, after forty five years of pretending, of suspending your dreams and living on someone's else term you should die.

G: (clears throat)

Me: Ha Ha. Yeah, so. I guess that's why I'm here'

G: Man!! That's hectic. I gave you a sweet simple life to live, and you made a mess of it.

Me: Hectic for sure. But I did my best. Why don't you give it a try, God! see if you can do it better."

G: No Thanks, my Child. I am better off here.

Me: Okay, better yet, could you give me another try? Give me five more years, and I promise you that I will live all fifty years in those five years!

G: No can't do that. But we do have a fantastic bar and Spa up here. You are welcome to finally enjoy yourself. Be yourself, here Or you can keep wandering around, cribbing about the life you led down there. Up to you.

Me: Well.. I guess if it's possible to be dying all the while you are alive, it's possible to be living while you are dead, right?

G: As I said, Up to you............