One thing that has been preDHONImating the minds of Indian right now is cricket.Our team established it's undisputed(??) DHONIance in the fast and IRFANtastic version by winning the world cup.UTTAPPArently the fan-fervor was so overwhelming during the motorcade that it caused a high degree of YUVRAJitation in the street.Millions of dhoniacs celebrated by drinking few barrels of GAMbeer.
But respecting the old Indian culture, Some people wrecked it from being the perfect moment for India.The smear on the most B-E-A-utiful day of Indian cricket were bunch of whiny asses who claimed to be the neglected representative of the make-believe game called hockey.These 'HOCKERS' demanded that this so called game of hockey be given equal importance.
To resolve this issue a open debate was organised between the Cricket team(CT),Hockey team(HT) with celebrity guest Shahruk Khan(SRK) and mediating the event was the NDTV founder Prannoy Roy (PR) (The one who dosen't open his mouth while talking). Here are the abstract of the discussion:
HT:We also want recognition,we want free airtravel benefits,bunglow at sahara city,more advertizing contracts.We want to boast of rags to riches stories.
CT: Its Sounds more like a Rags to Bitches story.Stop whining.
HT: We are not whining, we are fighing for our right.Why is it that we didn't recieve an ovation as grant when we returned with the Asia cup?
CT:Ok first.We came back with the world cup not some retarded asia cup.And world is much bigger than Asia if U didn't know.Secondly Hockey is for losers.
HT:We had beaten the Koreans in the finals to lift the cup.Don't call us a losers
CT:Kudos on beating bunch of guys who squint so much that they can't tell the differnce between Jennifer Lopez's ass and a watermelon.
PR:(suddenly in the front stage stealing the limelight from others)According to the survey conducted many do have a problem telling the difference.
CT:Its so easy,You sink your teeth deep into the watermelon and spill out the seeds after eating it completely.(paused) No wait...
SRK:(obviously got pissed out as they were wasting his time)Lets take the discussion to that part where I have to talk about Chak De.I'm not intersted in JL ass.
CT:tell us something we don't know.
SRK:Hey!If U r talking about the thing that pocked u in your thighs when I hugged U after the final,it was my mobile.(pauses) For the umpteen time,I don't day dream rubbing oil on Karan Johar's..ummm...Body
HT:Actually, we have a bone to pick with you as well, Shah Rukh.
CT: Oh, he’ll be more than happy to let you pick his bone.
HT: Was it so much trouble for you to show up at the Asia Cup finals and cheer us on? Did you forget what ‘Chak De’ was all about?
SRK: Are you telling me it’s a real game? I thought it was just a ridiculous game that the filmmakers came up with.HT (angry): Yes, it’s a real game. It’s the national game of India.
CT: The only reason why people started calling it the national game of India is because that was the first thing we managed to win after getting independence. It doesn’t mean that it’s an interesting sport and that people like watching it.
HT: People from all communities and walks of life play hockey.
CT: Get real, . Hockey is a game played only by Punjabis.
HT: Just because you have money doesn’t mean that you can be racist.
CT: How many of you have Singh as your last name?(All the hockey players raise their hands and on realizing they had just been had put their hands down )
HT: We represent all religions and communities. Unlike Shoaib Malik.
(Suddenly, Prannoy Roy takes centre stage and speaks in a deep baritone, his mouth still shut tight)
PR: This is a message from NDTV to Shoaib Malik. You do not represent all the Muslims in the world. You are only the captain of the defeated Pakistan Team.
CT: He was just being emotional. All he said he was he thanked all the Muslims in the world. You’re a rotten piece of shit to be ballooning that up when you have other important things on your channel to talk about.
PR : I will complain to Barkha Dutt and he will shout at you.
CT: Don’t you mean ‘she’?
PR: Who do you think knows him better? The stupid audience who sit in front of the TV or me, the head of NDTV- Nicely Disguised Transvestite Vixens?
(Suddenly, everyone stops talking because they hear a moaning sound. It’s SRK seemingly in the middle of a day dream)
SRK: Yeah…you like that, K-Jo? Hmm…Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna…hmmm…I’d like to drink hot brown frothy coffee…yeah…
PR: Shah Rukh, wake up! I think you’re having a 'day(read D as G)-dream'!
(SRK wakes up and sees everyone staring at him)
SRK: What?No, I wasn’t. I was just thinking about my new movie Om Shanti Om.
CT: Don’t you mean ‘hOMo Shanti hOMo’?
HT: This is exactly what we’re talking about. This whole debate was supposed to be about us. But now it has turned into a dialogue between Cricket and Bollywood. We deserve attention too. We want all the luxury they get. We want more and more and more and more…
CT (smirking): Unless you’re talking about Kiran More I don’t think you have much of a chance.
HT: Up yours, you undeserving shit balls. We will kick your ass.
PR (mouth closed): I’m more powerful than God.
SRK: I miss Karan.
..............................................To be continued.......................
2 comments:
yahoooooooooooo..
sexy likha hai bhai ..abe itna soch kaise lete ho ??? DHONIance, YUVRAJitation,dhoniacs wagairah wagairah...
simpli mind blowing.............
hilarious man...!!!!
wen is the next one comin??
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