Can we End It

We all read about the shameful act of woman abuse in the state of Assam, we all condemned it, we all hate it and our heart goes to the girl as we stand bow headed, furious but helpless. Are we really so helpless after all? Did we brought this fate upon ourself? Can nothing be done to prevent this? To make sure no other girl has to suffer. I guess We can. I falls down to us and we need to accept the responsibility not because tomorrow it could be our sister, not because the society needs it but because it is right.

You do one thing. First you grow up. Because, if you grow up means, automatically your son will grow up. And when your son is growing up,  give him a lot of free advice. Don’t think that he won’t take it. Give it anyway, he will eventually take it.

Tell your son to go out with the girls. Tell him to give them hugs and high-fives and ask them to go out on day trips and have fun and ask him to use that condom you just gave him. Tell him that the Health and Glow shop anyway has lots of varieties of them near the cash counter itself and that he need not be embarrassed to go buy them if he has to. No one will notice.

Tell him that he can talk about sex in your presence. And that you will not feel embarrassed about it.

Tell your son that it is ok to watch pornography. Don’t ask him to watch it when you are around and all, that will be indecent, but still tell him that there is nothing wrong in watching two adults in action.

Tell your son to read erotic fiction and have some fun. In fact, if possible, you only give a copy of the Kamasutra to him. He won’t understand any of it anyway, but still give it to him. Or try Harold Robbins.

Ask him to log on to Chatrooms and have sex chat with a random girl on the other end. It could be a guy pretending to be a girl, but still that and all doesn’t matter. Ask him to have it nevertheless.

Ask him to do sexting with this girlfriend, but tell him to do it discreetly. Tell him it is ok to have phone sex with her and that even if you overhear something from his room, tell him that you will pretend you have not heard anything. Promise him you won’t embarrass him.

Tell him to fall in love with a woman . Tell him to go head-over-heels about her. Tell him to admire her beauty. Actually, tell him to admire the beauty of all women. Tell him that they are single most source of joy on the planet and that without them the world is nothing. 

Tell him to relax and enjoy.

But before you do ANY of the above,

 Tell him that it is a shame to touch a woman without her permission. Tell him that it is a failure on your part and on the way you have brought him up. Tell him that it is a failure to his manhood.

Tell him that real life pornography requires her permission. Tell him that if a woman agrees, no amount of erotica can match a woman’s passion. But ask him to wait for the woman to agree first.

Tell him that a woman is a human being. Just like him. Not a piece of object. Tell him that while it is ok to admire her beauty, touching her without her permission is worse than stealing food from rabies-ridden street dog. 

Tell him that even broken hearts can be mended but he cannot break a woman’s dignity at any cost.

Tell him that raping is a Sin for which Man will have to pay a heavy price. A very heavy price.

Its a friday morning,
Friday, the day when people suddenly become happy for some unknown reason. Do they actually have a plan for the next two days? Well for me, I have to say yes to that. I will be working on a business journal which will contain a detailed report on the strategies to counter any future economic financial crisis, and also I am planning a visit the island I am contemplating to buy.Besides this,I also have to take care of the meetings with BOG's.Life has been like this since the time I have been appointed as the CEO, the adrenaline flow never seemed to subside and i enjoy every bit of it. As they say, life always seems fair when you have more or less everything, which includes a beach house, a yacth, a sports car and some of the world most sophisticated gadgets.

As I reached near my office elevator, I realized that I have an important meeting in ten minutes with one of the top notch clients. The elevator door opened as i rushed in, I saw a old man standing there. He was wearing a black trouser and a blue jacket which had a badge on it . "Elevator Man", I told myself.He had a quite a bit of wrinkles on his face and had lost almost all his hair which would otherwise have appeared white. His eyes were black and he was wearing large blue framed glasses to cover them up.As I took a sip of my coffee, I suddenly started having a feeling of the old man being familiar. Though I haven't seen him earlier for sure,he reminded me of someone. Someone who has always inspired me, someone who has unanimously considered as the original with me being the xerox copy, someone who has made me what I am today, my dad.From the time I remember, I always looked upon him for almost all aspect of my life. I however don't know the kind of relationship we shared.We would sit together and discuss about women and politics whenever we got a chance. My dad is a retired army colonel and ego comes as a gift with this job. For sometime recently family issues have vandalized what we had between us.The last we conversed, he asked me to grow up and cut off the phone. Now we don't talk, (atleast not the way we used to.) neither we give a damn, and we have somehow accepted this to be the way of life.I miss him and I know he does too but then.....

As the elevator was approaching my office at the topmost 30th floor, the old man said in a soft voice,"Son, your shoelaces". I looked at him, then at the shoes and then again at him. I wanted to tie them,but frankly i don't tie shoelaces, not because its absurd but because I didn't know how to do so. I had to pretend liked I always do, so I signaled my briefcase in one hand and coffee in another accompanied with want-to-but-can't face. He smiled and said,"let me help you" and within a fraction of second he was tying them. Now, normally I would have hesitated and probably step back a bit,but there was a sadist and innocent smile on my face as i was mesmerized with a revisit to one of the best moments of my childhood. My dad always used to tie my shoelaces when he was around, and this is the very obvious  reason why I never learnt to tie them. I got very nostalgic and somehow wanted to see the expression on the old man's face, but he was totally focused on his work. After he was done, he stood up and repositioned his blazer. I looked at him and said "Thank You".He didn't say anything. Then I looked at the display and it read "00". "Zero, that is very weird considering the lift has been moving up for a quite some time ". I asked myself. This time I looked at him, he smiled and said in a very calm voice."Take him with you to the island tomorrow, he will love it so will you".

My eyes opened. It was friday morning and I was still on my bed. Without any second thoughts, I jumped off  my bed and made a call "Morning,how are you?Hey, just wanted to ask, will you accompany me for a yacht ride tomorrow?I need your advice on an investment." Once done with this, I made one more call."Please deliver your best single malt by today evening in my office, Thank you"

मिट्ठी

मिट्ठी

जीना मिट्ठी मरना मिट्ठी , सब है करिश्मा मिट्ठी का

दुनिया वालो तुम्हे बताऊँ एक करिश्मा मिट्ठी का

मंदिर में जाए तो इंसान शीश इसी पे धर्ता है

मस्जिद में जाए तो बन्दा सजदा इसी पे करता है

उस मालिक ने जिस दिन देखो दुनिया अपनी बनायीं है

सबसे पहले इस दुनिया में मिट्ठी ही तो आई है

मिट्ठी सबकी पालनहारी,मिट्ठी सबकी माता है

मिट्ठी सबका पैठ है भरती, मिट्ठी ही अन्नदाता है

मिट्ठी से है हुस्न जहाँ में, फूल खिले है मिट्ठी से

सोना चांदी हीरे सब ला मिले है मिट्ठी से

इसी पे बनाये बंगले इंसान ने,इसी पे तौपे चलाता है

इस मिट्ठी का दिल तो देखो सब कुछ यह सह जाता है

सारे जहा के हर ज़ुल्म सितम ख़ामोशी से तकती है

जो कुछ हुआ है दुनिया में यह मिट्ठी ही कह सकती है

गुज़रे है जितने पीर-ओ-पयम्बर सभी को इसने देखा है

इंसान को होश कहाँ था मिट्ठी ने करिश्मा देखा है.

Men are from mars , Women are from venus

NOT written by me.. just copy pasted it.

Here’s a prime example of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:The professor told his class one day: “Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.——————————————-THE STORY:(First paragraph by Rebecca)At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(Second paragraph by Gary)Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
(Gary)Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F–KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!”
(Rebecca)A******.
(Gary)B****
(Rebecca)**** YOU – YOU NEANDERTHAL!
(Gary)Go drink some tea – *****.
(TEACHER)*A+ – I really liked this one.*

Kaalachakra Bar!

1975 Jan 1

It was about five in the morning. Father (I am not bothering with names) woke up with a start. Many years had passed since he had founded the orphanage. He had named it ' X-Orphanage ' , a rather funny name. But looking back, everything about his life seemed funny now. Hearing some noise outside, Father decided to have a look. A child lay there in front of the orphanage. It was a girl. Seeing her abandoned like this in the cold morning, Father felt a sense of anger for the merciless being who had thrown her away like this. He took her in his arms. He would raise her like his own child.

17 Years Later

The girl had now grown up. She was now staying at a hostel. She met a man and fell in love with him. Soon she got pregnant.But the man disappeared. She was thrown out of the Hostel. Father came and took her back to the orphanage. She gave birth to a girl, but the baby was mysteriously stolen. Unable to bear all this, the Father committed suicide.

5 years later

Due to some serious health problems, the girl went to see a Doctor. The doctor having examined her, said with a sad _expression on his face, "Adrenalo Sytosis, a serious case of hormone imbalance" . An operation was performed in which the doctor had to change the sex of the patient. The girl was now transformed into a man. The man was very depressed because he had lost his child, his father had committed suicide, his lover had betrayed him, he had to change sex and so on. He eventually took to drinking.
One day he saw that a new bar called 'Kaalachakra Bar' had opened in his locality. He went in. He saw a bearded man to whom he related his sad tale. he bearded man took pity on him and told him that he had a Time Machine and that he could use it to change his past. He accepted the gift from the bearded man. He decided to go to the past (to the year 1992) and started the Time Machine.!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

1992

The man arrived with the Time Machine in the year 1992. There he met a girl and fell in love with her. The girl got pregnant. The man, unwilling to marry her, left the town. He went to another city, earned some money and five years later came back to the city where the girl lived. Wanting to conceal his identity, he grew a beard. He started a bar named 'Kaalachakra Bar'. One day a man came to the bar and narrated a sorrow tale. Out of compassion, he gave the Time Machine to the man. The man started the Time Machine and went back to the past.

Suddenly a man wearing a mask came into the bar. He pointed a gun at the bearded man. He said that he had a Time Machine and forced the bearded man into it along with himself. Taking the bearded man with him, the masked man started the Time Machine. When they reached the past, the masked man suddenly gave the Time Machine to the bearded man and ran away. The bearded man found himself in front of X-Orphanage. He went inside and found a woman lying there with her new born baby. It was a girl. Since the mother lay unconscious and there wasn't anyone else nearby to take care of the girl, he took the girl and started the Time Machine to go to the past.
The bearded man arrived with the girl. Thinking that it was the best place for the child, he left her in front of X-Orphanage. He joined a college, studied hard and became a doctor. One day a woman was brought to the hospital. He examined her and found that it was a serious case of 'Adrenalo Sytosis'. He performed an operation in which he had to change her sex. One day, fed up with the complexities of modern life, he started the Time Machine and went back in time.

1968 May 12

He arrived at a time of great famine and suffering. Seeing all this, he decided to become a priest and serve the people. He started an orphanage and named it 'X-Orphanage' . Years later, he found a girl lying in front of the orphanage. He took her and brought her up like his own child. Many years later he heard that the girl was pregnant and was thrown out of the hostel. He brought her back to X-Orphanage. She gave birth to a girl and fell unconscious. The father desperately searched for help, but since there was no-one nearby to help him, he decided to bring a person back from the future. He wore a mask, took a gun for protection and started the Time Machine. He materialized in front of 'Kaalachakra Bar'. He went inside, found a bearded man and forced him to travel with him to the past.

Reaching the past, he felt very guilty about forcing the bearded man to come with him. He gave the Time Machine to the bearded man and ran away to see his daughter. When he reached there, he heard the sad news from his daughter that the baby was stolen. Unable to bear the sorrow, he committed suicide.

The one with all the crap!!!

One thing that has been preDHONImating the minds of Indian right now is cricket.Our team established it's undisputed(??) DHONIance in the fast and IRFANtastic version by winning the world cup.UTTAPPArently the fan-fervor was so overwhelming during the motorcade that it caused a high degree of YUVRAJitation in the street.Millions of dhoniacs celebrated by drinking few barrels of GAMbeer.

But respecting the old Indian culture, Some people wrecked it from being the perfect moment for India.The smear on the most B-E-A-utiful day of Indian cricket were bunch of whiny asses who claimed to be the neglected representative of the make-believe game called hockey.These 'HOCKERS' demanded that this so called game of hockey be given equal importance.

To resolve this issue a open debate was organised between the Cricket team(CT),Hockey team(HT) with celebrity guest Shahruk Khan(SRK) and mediating the event was the NDTV founder Prannoy Roy (PR) (The one who dosen't open his mouth while talking). Here are the abstract of the discussion:

HT:We also want recognition,we want free airtravel benefits,bunglow at sahara city,more advertizing contracts.We want to boast of rags to riches stories.

CT: Its Sounds more like a Rags to Bitches story.Stop whining.

HT: We are not whining, we are fighing for our right.Why is it that we didn't recieve an ovation as grant when we returned with the Asia cup?

CT:Ok first.We came back with the world cup not some retarded asia cup.And world is much bigger than Asia if U didn't know.Secondly Hockey is for losers.

HT:We had beaten the Koreans in the finals to lift the cup.Don't call us a losers

CT:Kudos on beating bunch of guys who squint so much that they can't tell the differnce between Jennifer Lopez's ass and a watermelon.

PR:(suddenly in the front stage stealing the limelight from others)According to the survey conducted many do have a problem telling the difference.

CT:Its so easy,You sink your teeth deep into the watermelon and spill out the seeds after eating it completely.(paused) No wait...

SRK:(obviously got pissed out as they were wasting his time)Lets take the discussion to that part where I have to talk about Chak De.I'm not intersted in JL ass.

CT:tell us something we don't know.

SRK:Hey!If U r talking about the thing that pocked u in your thighs when I hugged U after the final,it was my mobile.(pauses) For the umpteen time,I don't day dream rubbing oil on Karan Johar's..ummm...Body

HT:Actually, we have a bone to pick with you as well, Shah Rukh.

CT: Oh, he’ll be more than happy to let you pick his bone.

HT: Was it so much trouble for you to show up at the Asia Cup finals and cheer us on? Did you forget what ‘Chak De’ was all about?

SRK: Are you telling me it’s a real game? I thought it was just a ridiculous game that the filmmakers came up with.HT (angry): Yes, it’s a real game. It’s the national game of India.

CT: The only reason why people started calling it the national game of India is because that was the first thing we managed to win after getting independence. It doesn’t mean that it’s an interesting sport and that people like watching it.

HT: People from all communities and walks of life play hockey.

CT: Get real, . Hockey is a game played only by Punjabis.

HT: Just because you have money doesn’t mean that you can be racist.

CT: How many of you have Singh as your last name?(All the hockey players raise their hands and on realizing they had just been had put their hands down )

HT: We represent all religions and communities. Unlike Shoaib Malik.

(Suddenly, Prannoy Roy takes centre stage and speaks in a deep baritone, his mouth still shut tight)

PR: This is a message from NDTV to Shoaib Malik. You do not represent all the Muslims in the world. You are only the captain of the defeated Pakistan Team.

CT: He was just being emotional. All he said he was he thanked all the Muslims in the world. You’re a rotten piece of shit to be ballooning that up when you have other important things on your channel to talk about.

PR : I will complain to Barkha Dutt and he will shout at you.

CT: Don’t you mean ‘she’?

PR: Who do you think knows him better? The stupid audience who sit in front of the TV or me, the head of NDTV- Nicely Disguised Transvestite Vixens?

(Suddenly, everyone stops talking because they hear a moaning sound. It’s SRK seemingly in the middle of a day dream)

SRK: Yeah…you like that, K-Jo? Hmm…Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna…hmmm…I’d like to drink hot brown frothy coffee…yeah…

PR: Shah Rukh, wake up! I think you’re having a 'day(read D as G)-dream'!

(SRK wakes up and sees everyone staring at him)

SRK: What?No, I wasn’t. I was just thinking about my new movie Om Shanti Om.

CT: Don’t you mean ‘hOMo Shanti hOMo’?

HT: This is exactly what we’re talking about. This whole debate was supposed to be about us. But now it has turned into a dialogue between Cricket and Bollywood. We deserve attention too. We want all the luxury they get. We want more and more and more and more…

CT (smirking): Unless you’re talking about Kiran More I don’t think you have much of a chance.

HT: Up yours, you undeserving shit balls. We will kick your ass.

PR (mouth closed): I’m more powerful than God.

SRK: I miss Karan.

..............................................To be continued.......................